Ewa Nowogorski
I think one of the most irking factors of acclimating yourself to Japanese culture is getting used to the indirect ways people here in Japan will tell you “no”. I come from New York City, and if people don’t want to or can’t do something, they will flat out tell you “no”, and sometimes throw in a “sorry” as well. In Japan, the customer is seen as God, so in the service industry, when a worker has to tell you “no”, they don’t use that word. They beat around the bush as much as they need to until you get the drift.
I think the first time I was exposed to this strategy, I had no idea that I was being told no and kept trying to negotiate. It was later that I found out that the word “muzukashii” (literally “difficult”) is one way someone will reject your request here. Something that is difficult is something that is actually impossible, but saying “it’s impossible” flatout is seen as extremely rude, so people avoid saying it at all costs. Ironically, it’s something that I use now when I have to say no to people.
Another way Japanese people say “no” is by saying they will “think about it”, or, more classically, they will put on a frowning face and make deep hmmm-ing sounds as if they are deeply troubled, waiting for you to catch the drift and say you will drop the topic. It really is not something you can argue with. You cannot say “no” to that kind of no.
As annoying as it can be to not be told “no” directly and act as a fool who cannot read between the lines of a conversation, you will actually quickly get used to such indirect ques if you live here for a while.
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